October

Lago di Bracciano

First Day alone in Rome

My first day alone in Rome wasn’t a huge success.

Here is what I did:

-       Bought a bus ticket from the Tabacchi without a problem.

o   Struggled with the validation machine on the bus.

-       Managed to ask a local in Italian how to use the machine.

-       Made it to the climbing centre.

o   Discovered it was closed for lunch with no details of when it would reopen.

-       Ordered a gelato in Italian.

o   Noticed my phone battery was getting low.

-       Bought another bus ticket.

o   Discovered most busses on my route were out of service.

o   Walked for about 40 minutes to a study room.

o   Realised everyone at the building was wearing suites and was too afraid to ask if I had the right place.

o   Noticed my phone was now on 10%.

o   Accepted defeat and headed home.

-       Made it home.

Thoughts a few days in

It feels surreal that life at home is continuing as normal. There has been such a huge shift in my life and it’s so bizarre to see that everyone at home has gone back to uni to pick up where they left off. I feel a ball of stress sitting in my stomach, the fear that I’m never going to manage to make friends here. All the while social media tells me that at home nothing has changed. It feels as though my life is being lived without me.

I find the days very tiring here. The connotations and expectations I have for certain things don’t match up and it is so jarring. You spend your whole life understanding the world in a certain way without even realising it, then suddenly things don’t match up and you’re having to pay attention to aspects you dealt with automatically before. Each day when I get in bed I am flat out before the thought of falling asleep even occurs to me.

Starting my job as an English Language Assistant

I was very excited and nervous to start at the school. I couldn’t wait to have more of a routine and start to get a feel for what my life would be like for the rest of my time in Rome. Once I met the teacher who would be managing my placement, I relaxed a little. Over our emails I had found it hard to gauge how things were going. Sometimes her responses felt blunt, and I couldn’t tell if this was a cultural difference or if I had already got off on the wrong foot. In the end she turned out to be a very welcoming and smiley woman. After I arrived, we went straight into a lesson with one of her classes. The students were very quiet with me at first. Curious but shy, they mumbled Italian questions among themselves a few times before urging forward a leader to attempt in English. Afterwards I had a tour with a student who was keen to practice her English and then before I knew it my hours for that day were over and I could head home. It felt like a strange school compared to what I’ve experienced in the UK. Detentions and punishments don’t exist, lesson structures are spontaneous, and the students and teachers act more like friends than anything else. The UK certainly seems to be more keen on rules and regulations.

Meeting the rest of the classes over the next couple of weeks was entertaining. Many had not been told who I was or that I would be joining their classes and so excitement bubbled when I open my mouth and English words came out. For the first lesson with each new class, I introduced myself to the students with some photos and then had a discussion about myself and life in the UK. Most questions revolved around my age, relationship status and football alliance. “Messi or Ronaldo?” “say forza Roma” “do you like Carbonara?”. Curiosities bounced around the room igniting others. In my youngest class of 13-year-olds I felt like I needed at least two heads “Eleeza”, “Eliza”, “Proff.”. The longest time I would spend at school in a day was four hours and I would leave feeling like I had just completed a nine-to-five at a the mercantile exchange in Ferris Bueller’s Day off.

One month in

I have been in Rome for a whole month which feels completely surreal to me. I’m caught between the sensation of lacking full comprehension of life here while simultaneously feeling as though I arrived in the country several months ago. Thinking back to the time I spent in the air-bnb with my parents feels like a distant holiday and yet they only left me three weeks ago. Is it this normal for three weeks to feel like 12?

In this time, I can certainly say that I’ve seen a growth in my confidence. During my initial arrival I felt like an alien. My brain could understand what a shop was, what a bus was, what an apartment was but the image for each of these things was slightly different. Where I expected to see an underground sign was a large M. When buying a bus ticket, I had to remind myself that the task wasn’t complete until it was validated. Where I expected to have right of way on the crossings, I had to compete with the vehicles to see who could get there first. If I expressed my understanding of life here in terms of ballet rainbow award (see image below), I would say that I have earned my indigo stripe. Standing between myself and the sky-blue award are challenges such as the ‘sending a parcel internationally’ challenge and the ‘book a hairdressers appointment’ challenge.

This week however, I can proudly say that I took three large steps towards sky-blue. The first achievement was a trip to the town Bracciano, an hour’s train ride away. I got the train from my nearest train station Quattro Venti and journeyed for an hour. Travelling in Italy doesn’t feel like it takes as long as it should. Most places I go to such as the schools I work at and the town centre are all around 40 minutes to an hours journey away but in my mind it feels like 20. I think it is partly down to the different modes of transport I have to hop between and the far more relaxed Italian lifestyle. Prior to arriving I had heard of a phrase that goes ‘il dolce far niente’. This can be translated to ‘the sweetness of doing nothing’. When applying this saying to reality I can see where it peaks through. I’m not referring to laziness, but to a more relaxed and easy-going mindset. When I picture London, I see speed walkers marching through the throng of commuters and people being dragged through their day by their end destination. In Rome, it feels as though everyone is calm and collected and with the general understanding that wherever you’re going you will get there and there isn’t such a need to worry about it. I feel as though in Italy it is much easier to take a moment to enjoy where you are but perhaps this is the thought of an expat.

My trip to Bracciano was lovely. I ordered Amatriciana in a restaurant and walked through the old villages until I reached a beautiful view overlooking Lago di Bracciano. It felt so calm and peaceful and when I looked down at the countryside it reminded me of home. I explored the castle with a self-guided tour video and finally headed back to the station at about 4pm. While I was there many thoughts went through my mind. I enjoyed being able to choose where I went and when I did it without having to compromise but I truly missed being able to share such beautiful wonders with someone else. It made me realise how much I love to hear other people’s thoughts and how they compare to my own. Exchanging opinions and hearing someone else’s joy is something I hadn’t fully appreciated until this moment. Company can be a protective bubble, it doesn’t matter if anything goes wrong and if it goes right your emotions are amplified because you get to indulge them further by expressing it outwardly and seeing the reaction with others.

If it hadn’t been for the journey home it would have been a hugely successful trip. However, 20 minutes in, I was confronted with a fine for using the incorrect train ticket. I sat there, helpless, as I watched €53 euros leave from my bank account to go straight down the drain. I spent the rest of the journey grieving the unprecedented attack on my bank account.

When I arrived home that evening I went straight to an Erasmus event that I had discovered the other day. I had had enough of my own company, and I wanted to make friends even if they weren’t Italian speakers. The event was just some drinks at a bar, but I am so happy that I went because for the first time in a month I was speaking to people my age who were also new to the city.

‘Ballet Rainbow Award’

Joining an Italian Touch Rugby Team

In the week following my trip to Bracciano I made on of my best decisions throughout my time here. I decided to join a Touch Rugby team in Rome. I had already started up climbing a little but I was struggling to make friends due to anxiety surrounding my language capabilities. However the strange new loneliness I was enduring and decided it was time to try something new. So I reached out to the coach of the Roma TR team and asked if I could join. I was nervous about travelling on my own late at night when I was new to the area but even with this qualm the coach offered me help. She suggested that I travel with her daughters who live nearby and this was all I needed to hear. While the idea of starting a club with only Italian speakers scared me I was excited to give it a go and get back into one of my favourite hobbies. After playing one game with them I was hooked. Exercise is an incredible mood booster and I was happy to know that I now had a weekly excuse for both this and to practice my Italian. The encouragement and friendliness of the other players in the club was the best reassurance I could hope for.